I’ve always tried to make it a point to never start a blog post with an excuse for why I haven’t been blogging often. I have no excuses because, for the most part, it was a conscious decision. While it’s true that being a mom and running my own business don’t leave me with much free time, I have enough that I could still blog regularly if I wanted to do so. I just don’t need to anymore. I started this blog before “social media” was a phrase everyone knew, while living far away from all my friends and family.
I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point since college I realized that I don’t ever actually want to be a writer. If I did, I would be leading a very different life. Once I embraced that, and now that the entire known world is on Facebook, blogging seemed unnecessary. Besides, we have the blog for Jack and he’s all I’d really want to write about anyway. As I get older, I want to put less of myself out into the world. Pictures of a daily outing on Facebook are fine, but a blog–at least this one–requires that I open up and tell people how I feel. I’m not interested in doing that anymore. The more other people know about me, the more I end up discussing things that I should just let go. Also, I’ve come to appreciate privacy in a way I didn’t before.
Having said all that, some things have happened this week that I’d feel guilty not blogging about. First, I ordered a book truck for myself. Secondly, I found out one of the stores where I used to work is closing next month.
My book truck arrived the morning after I found out about the closing store. Here is this huge, physical expression–indeed, a declaration of self–of my store, myself, the career I’ve chosen, arriving the day after such sad news. If my career were a house, it’s pretty common knowledge at this point that I didn’t build it on a firm foundation. The shifting sands of the book world, especially independent bookstores, are uncertain at best. While I do remain optimistic, it doesn’t keep my from getting depressed. I think that’s all I really needed to say.